Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
