every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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