The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
