I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You've changed since you got that strap on
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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