Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
