Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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