mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
