She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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