apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
