Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
this must be what syphilis tastes like
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My vagina is officially offended.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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