Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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