Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
