Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
this hospital has no fireball
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
