So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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