omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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