im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
