nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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