Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize