my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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