K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You may now shotgun with the bride
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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