even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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