I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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