turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
