My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
