i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
