Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
