Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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