he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
