Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
