I can tuck mytits in my pants
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
