Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
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The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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