Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
