You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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