Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
