Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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