We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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