k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
