Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
