I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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