I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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