i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
