I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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