I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
