You can't motorboat a personality
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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