we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
