$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
