I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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