My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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