Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
