No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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