I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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