I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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