I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
