I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
