I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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