Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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