i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
