mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
