I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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