i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
