He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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