filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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