we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
