he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
