If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
