she woke up with a sticky ear
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
