I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
