So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
