You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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