I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize