he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
