I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
