im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
